Thursday, 07 May 2009

• Beauty Amid the Ugliness

  A wee bouquet of lilacs set in a tiny vase on my desk greeted me when I arrived at work this morning. I have a few guesses as to who the benefactor may be, but for all I know the flowers magically landed on my desk overnight. Their fragrance, one my dad says always conjures up childhood memories for him (and now for me), drift over to me as I sit in front of my computer. It's a lovely surprise for a not-so-lovely day.

  The last twenty-four hours have been difficult, for a number of reasons. I can't seem to make any progress in a tangled manuscript with a very pressing deadline. Last night, I seemingly lost my ability to effectively lead a group of 20 4- to 6-year-olds and ended up with not only a physical mess of books and puzzle pieces, papers and crayons, Play-Doh and Legos but also an emotional mess to clean up.

  Every once in a while, I reach a point where I feel as if what I'm doing doesn't really matter. There is no depth to going through the same motions every single day. I wonder if this recent bout of frustration has to do with busyness. Life is full of many, many things right now, but I'm realizing that all of this is being done or experienced half-heartedly. There's really not enough time to sit back and soak in the moment. There's no time to cook a healthy meal for me and Dave, no time to savor the tastes of a homecooked meal. There's no time to take a leisurely walk to the park for a few minutes on the swings. What I long for is the ability to fully experience this next season instead of only seeing it in a blur in the rearview mirror.

  For now, I'll enjoy the scent of lilacs and be grateful for this tiny blessing.

  • 10:00 AM
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